Ramble and Reflection

I guess some mornings after you go out in Barcelona you wake up at 8am when you only went to bed less than four hours ago. I have a nasty cough and I knew that going out last night would not be good for being sick but I wanted to go out in Barcelona at least once in my 4 nights here. Today all I have planned is to do laundry and visit Sagrada Familia. 
I think I planned my trip well in a sense that I am definitely ready for my Contiki tour to start. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s basically an organized tour for 18-35 year olds. So for two weeks out of the 13 that I am traveling, I won’t have to worry about a single thing in terms of transportation or accommodation. I think it will be relieving to give my mind and body a rest from the stress and always being on alert. And I’ll be in some really amazing places, too. 
I think if I want to promise myself anything for the rest of my trip, it is to write a poem each day, and to take at least an hour everyday to reflect – no cell phone, no data, nothing. Paper and pen. I think I really missed out on that these first few weeks but I am happy that I have been taking the time to write on here. 
I’m sitting on a balcony at my hostel on a cloudy day. The sun is poking through the clouds, shining its light on me and the balcony, but it keeps disappearing. 
I have learned a lot about myself so far on my trip. I don’t have to spend time with anyone that I don’t want to and I think that is refreshing. Sometimes it can be a little awkward to try and get away from people and to purposefully isolate yourself. Some people don’t understand and consider it to be weird or rude or offputting, but that’s just me, it is who I am. Sometimes you meet people you can’t wait to get away from. And I know that sounds kind of mean or unaccepting but I don’t think everyone is designed to click with everyone all the time. I do my best to understand people for who they are and what they have experienced but I struggle to resonate with people who refuse to learn about themselves. People who cannot grow from their experiences. A lot of the time that isn’t their fault. They just haven’t read enough. Or haven’t been low enough to have to crawl their way out of a hole, fingers bleeding. People are often shaped by what they experience but if they don’t understand how or why they are the way they are then they can’t better themselves. 
Sometimes you get caught up in other people’s twisted games or immature behaviors and you want to ask the universe why did it have to be me? There never is an answer to that question. So the only thing to do then is to move on. 
Sometimes you meet people who you feel like you have known for a long time. I am playful, I joke, I can be sarcastic and an asshole, some people don’t enjoy my humor and others only know how to enjoy it without interacting with it. But sometimes you meet people who can give it right back to you without it being uncomfortable. The banter is organic. The conversations are honest. It is the people like this that I have met along this journey that have made it all worthwhile. To serve as a reminder that… there are people in this world who will make you feel like you belong without even doing it on purpose. And those are the best people. The ones who make you shine. And the ones who make everything worth it.
I am officially one month into my trip. I can’t believe how fast time has flown by. Two more months to go. 

A bit of rambling

I can’t wait to be somewhere else surrounded by people that I don’t know. I want to come to life again and feel something outside of the routine that I’m stuck in. I love to learn but I miss feeling. I love where I live but I want to fall in love with a new landscape each day for a while. I miss emotion and being kissed by the sun and really feeling its warmth on my skin. I want to feel frustrated and maybe even a little scared by different ways of life and unknown street signs. I want to feel drunken joy and heart pounding excitement. I want to be in a place where I don’t know anything.

With emotion comes words. I want my mind and heart back from the glue of school and work and school and work. I want to feel again.