When The Paradox Comes Full Circle

When I was away, I missed home. I longed for the routine of my life as it was the way I left it.

And now that I’m home, I don’t know why I ever wanted to come back in the first place.

I don’t have much here. But I guess before I left the dizzying busy-ness of planning my trip and the excitement that came with it distracted me from all that my life lacked.

I miss waking up everyday with a new place to see. With new people to meet and new friends to make. It was easy, there, everyone was alone. It was easy to start up conversation. To identify fellow Americans or other English speakers who were also traveling. You can meet someone anywhere and end up spending the whole day, weekend, or week with them. I miss having different countries at my fingertips each day.

I had to come back… to finish my degree so I can go back again once I’m finished here. I might not have much but I have to appreciate what I have.

The paradox of missing home when you’re away, and missing everywhere else when you’re home… a vicious cycle of constant yearning. I am restless yet exhausted.

Until next time.

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The Paradox of Vacation

49/90 days.

More than half way through.

It would have been a boring summer.
I would have taken a class or two. Maybe three. Probably as many as I could have. I would have worked the same schedule. Lived in the same routine. My “summer vacation” would have been a week between the end of my spring semester and the beginning of the summer semester. It would have been boring and miserable and hot in the Florida summer sun and humidity. The tourists would have been frustrating and the roads would have been cluttered and at a standstill for more hours of the day than anyone would ever want.

I don’t miss what I’m missing back home. But in a weird, unexpected kind of way, I’m looking forward to being back to it. Not the summer time of Navarre, but I’m looking forward to the fall semester. To working. To earning money. To working out 5 days a week. To being back in the same routine. To sitting on the beach, reading for hours until sunset. To academics, believe it or not. Challenging my mind in a different kind of way. I’m glad to be missing out on the tourist trap of a summer vacation in the panhandle of Florida. But I never expected to be looking forward to being back home and living the same boring life.

Maybe it’s because I have so much of my degree left to complete. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I’m excited to finish my BA so I can come back here and live somewhere in Spain for good. So I can start a routine there instead. So I can weekend in France and take a short flight to Ireland when I’m craving a taste of nature.

I’m not done here yet. I still have less than half way to go. I have a lot to see. And I’m looking forward to it all immensely because each place is different than anything else I’ve seen. I was talking to one of my best friends, Casey, about this today, and he said, “A long adventure like this is what you need to appreciate your day to day life. And your day to day life is what you need to appreciate an adventure like that.” The paradox of vacation. Who knew?